What Hurts the Most
by Princess of Despair
Summary: It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you... Pokeshipping, songfic, one shot.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pokemon or What Hurts the Most, which is by Rascal Flatts.

**Author Note: **Yeah, I've gone where I thought I'd never go before. Actually, two places I thought I'd never go. I wrote a Ash/Misty fic. I really don't like those two characters but I heard this song on the radio just a while ago and I had to write this. It just kind of popped into my head and wouldn't go away. The other place I thought I'd never go was writing a songfic with a country song. So I'm just exploring all different places. Anyhow, this has pokeshipping (haha, I had to go look up what it was called) and probably some depressing stuff. And I don't know what their ages are in this fic, just know they're A LOT older than they are in the show. XD So go ahead and read it.

/**Edit **(4/23) to add in Pikachu, which I somehow forgot. I'm calling Pikachu a male, however I've read in different places that Pikachu could be female. So I don't know./

* * *

The weather that day was similar to the weather the day _it _happened. The rain poured from the sky, with no sign of letting up.

The young girl sat by the window, holding a picture in her hands. She listened to the rain as it tapped against the window. She'd rather have not been there, just holding the picture. She knew she didn't have a choice, though. She felt a few tears escape from her eyes as she spoke softly, "It's been almost six months Ash."

_/I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me/_

"You remember the day it happened. It's been almost six months and here I am," Misty whispered softly to the picture in her hands. "I wish I could have gone to your grave instead of sitting here, talking to your picture. I feel closer to you there. It's okay for me to miss you and it's okay for me to cry. It's just hard knowing that you're really gone." She closed her eyes for a moment, letting her thoughts drift back to the day it all happened.

_/ What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do/_

Misty was excited, as she picked up the telephone. She took a quick glance around her apartment, as if there were someone there who would stop her from making the phone call. She smiled at herself, realizing it was silly to think like that. She quickly dialed the number she had in mind.

Across town, in a different apartment, Ash stood to answer the phone. He sighed, realizing he was too lazy for his own good. Not going out and fighting battles anymore made him lazy. He picked up the phone when he'd made it across the room.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Ash. It's Misty. I have something really important to tell you, would you mind coming over?" she asked.

He sighed. "It's raining and it's kind of bad out. Can this wait?" he asked.

"No, it can't! It's really important. I could say it's life changing," she said.

"Okay, Misty. I'll be over in a few minutes," he said, now feeling curious. He was glad to feel the curiosity, it got rid of his general feeling of laziness. He hung up the phone, turning to leave the apartment.

Misty paced back and forth across her small apartment. She kept glancing at the clock occasionally. She was feeling rather nervous about the news she would be breaking to Ash once he arrived. Even as nervous as she felt, happiness still overwhelmed her. She was sure he'd be happy to hear the news, at least she hoped so.

She decided she'd sit down to wait for him, pacing was starting to get to her. Time passed, minutes turned into an hour, which soon turned into an hour and a half. She was starting to worry, wondering why it was taking him so long to get there. She stood and walked over to the telephone. She'd just picked it up when she heard a knock at the door. She smiled and sighed to herself. Late as usual, but she was glad he was there.

She walked quickly across the room and opened up her apartment door. She was surprised to see Officer Jenny standing there. She suddenly felt a horrible feeling well up inside.

"Hello. Is something wrong?" she asked carefully, not sure she wanted the answer.

"I thought you should be the first I contacted. Ash has been killed," she said. Shock overwhelmed Misty and she had to grab for the door frame to keep from falling.

"W-what?" she whispered.

"An accident. The roads are really slick right now, with all this rain we've been getting. Apparently he was walking down the street, a driver lost control of his car, and Ash got hit. He died almost immediately."

Misty choked back a sob and stumbled back a few steps. "It's my fault," she whispered, slowly putting her hand over her mouth.

"How can it be your fault?" Jenny asked, sounding somewhat confused.

"He was coming to see me. I called him. I told him to come. It's my fault… I should have just waited until later. It's not like this was going to be something that would go away quickly." Misty slowly made her way back to the couch to sit down.

"Are you going to be okay here by yourself? I can stay if you need to me to." Jenny offered.

"No, I just need time to think. Thank you." Misty said softly, already forgetting that Jenny was there. Ash was gone, that was all she knew.

_/It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken/_

The funeral was especially hard. Brock, Tracey, and even Gary had shown up. It was hard for her to face them. Brock and Tracey were their oldest friends; even Gary held so many memories for her of Ash.

She had to smile, pretend like she was going to be fine. She didn't tell them that it was her fault that he'd been out on that miserable day. She also didn't confide in them the news she was going to tell Ash, even though she was sure they'd like to know. She just wanted to keep it to herself, as if keeping it to herself would bring Ash back.

The days following the funeral just consisted of her sitting around her apartment. She just tried not to think about Ash and what she'd wanted to tell him. Brock had come to visit a few times. She knew he was just as upset as she was over Ash dying. However, even he had to leave, to go back and take care of his gym. Again, Misty was left alone to deal with her feelings.

Day after day all she could do was feel regret. She regretted calling him to come to her apartment, she regretted keeping in what she'd wanted to tell him. She could have just as easily said it over the phone. It also kept occurring to her that she hadn't said goodbye to him before they got off the phone. Also that she'd really never even told him she loved him. She knew that he knew it, it was just something she'd liked to say. Now she'd never have the chance to say it to him again.

_/ What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do/_

Misty slowly opened her eyes, looking down at the picture she was still holding. She gently placed a hand on her stomach. "I finally told Brock what had happened that day. I told him I wanted to tell you that I was pregnant. He told me that you would have been so happy. I really hope so because now I realize this is the only link I have left to you. I miss you more and more everyday," she whispered softly.

She let her gaze rest on a small yellow creature, lying on a chair across the room. "It was especially hard for Pikachu," she whispered softly, "at the funeral, he just sat on the edge of your coffin and stared at you. He wanted to shock you, but we told him that it wouldn't bring you back. It was really hard to watch him be so upset for you. Now he lives with me, I think he feels closer to me because of this child."

She turned her head back, to look out the window. She realized the rain had stopped and a ray of sunshine was now shining in on her. She felt the warmth coming from the light, slowly warming her up. "Thank you, Ash, I love you," she said softly, feeling love coming from that beam of sunlight for just a moment.

Then the clouds passed back over the sun, leaving her in darkness again. "It's been six long months, Ash, but I'm happier believing that wherever you might be – you're probably watching me, glad that you'd have been a father, but sad that I'm just slowly driving myself insane here." She laid the picture down and stood. She knew it was time for her to get out of there, go somewhere else. She didn't care where because she now knew she no longer had to stay in that little apartment to feel Ash's love.

* * *

**Author Note: **If you've ever seen the music video for this song, I think you'd have an idea why I ended up making her pregnant. I stole the idea from the song. Ah, I'm horrible. Anyhow, I don't really know how this worked out.. so read and review if you want to. 


End file.
